“Whenever I make progress, something unexpected happens, leading to an emotional crisis. I get discouraged. Why does this keep happening?” – A former client
This client seems to be talking about the breakdown-breakthrough-breakdown cycle. Just when we’re feeling better emotionally or we make head-way in whatever aspect of life we are focusing on, something comes up to throw us off balance.
As I assured my client, this cycle is normal. It’s called life. In the course of everyday living, setbacks inevitably will happen. We just need to learn how to navigate them with as much equanimity as possible.
Responding to Setbacks
“It is necessary sometimes to take one step backward to take two steps forward.” Vladimir Lenin
Our most common reaction to setbacks is discouragement, anger and even despair. But it is those negative emotional responses that are the culprit, not the event itself. Somehow we always want life to go our way and when it doesn’t (as is often the case), we go into crisis mode.
Thus, developing resilience in the face of setbacks and disappointments is essential to our mental and emotional well-being.
Here are some ways that we can begin to build resilience:
- Broaden our viewpoint. There may be a more positive, constructive way to see our present circumstances.
- Think long-term. Recognize that nothing lasts forever and that somehow we will get through this and not just survive but thrive.
- Stay open to learning. Our most painful experiences have the potential to be our greatest teachers.
- Ask for help or support if needed. It takes courage to reach out to others for assistance.
The main question then becomes this:
Who will we be in the face of this challenge?
