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Selling Your Love Cheaply

October 11, 2020

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Recently this question was put to me: “He says he loves me but wants to date others. What should I do?” Below is my answer:

Let’s put aside the whole “relationship coach” thing and talk woman to woman, sister to sister.  You ready? Here goes…

Seriously, sister? I mean, really? You say he “loves” you but wants to date other women? So, I wonder, “What kind of love is that?”

In my humble opinion, it’s no kind of love at all. It seems to me that the ‘I love yous” are just words – empty words, words that are meant to keep you sweet – words meant to keep you  patiently waiting and lovingly disposed toward him; words that guarantee a soft place for him to land when his meandering goes wrong or when he gets bored with the other woman or women. This guy wants his cake and eat it too.

Sooner or later, those “I love yous” will do nothing but spell heartache for you, because, for all intent and purposes, you are on the bottom of the list of what is important to him. You see, if you were truly and deeply essential to him, he wouldn’t treat you and your love so poorly.

So, here’s another woman-to woman question for you:

Is what he is offering enough for you? If it is, then you are either not all that invested in this relationship or you are seriously selling yourself and your love short.

And, that leads to another question:

How much are you and your love worth?  I’m thinking that,  if you accept the conditions of his so-called love, then you do not place much value on either.

So, here is my message to you. Whether you believe it or not, you are worth much, much more than what this man is offering you, which is pretty second-rate.

Rick Hanson, the neuropsychologist and writer, once said “If someone believes that you are not a catch, then they are not qualified.”, meaning they are not worthy of you.

And I say that if someone does not believe that you are enough, then they should be disqualified from having any claim on your heart.

And so, sister, my wish for you is that someday you’ll believe that too – that you’ll know in your bones that you are enough. That you are more than enough.  That you are worthy of undiluted, whole-hearted, fully committed loving.

Until that day, I suggest that you walk through the world “as if”.