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Only a Nothingburger on Offer

January 12, 2021


Recently I was asked by someone if she should continue to text a man who responds, but never texts her first. In other words, he never initiates contact. Here is my response:

It sounds like you are looking for something more with this guy – that you’re interested in him romantically. However, you are confused. You can see that his responses are friendly enough, but you wonder why he doesn’t do the initiating, at least some of the time.

Well,  there may be any number of explanations for his behavior, but usually the simplest explanation is the best one and to my way of thinking it is this:

He just isn’t all that into you.

Sure, he responds because he’s polite (his mother probably taught him good manners). His responses might even be somewhat flirtatious. But that is the beginning and end of it.

If he were keen, he’d be contacting you. If he were keen, there would be honest-to-goodness mutuality, and reciprocity in this relationship. That is, if you can call it a relationship, because it doesn’t sound like you even have much of a connection.

So, here is my question for you: is this enough for you? And a closely related question: do you wish to continue to flog a dead horse?

My hope for you, of course, is that you will come to see this situation for what it is and decide to move on. I also hope that you will come to want more than this phantom connection and that you will not continue to settle for crumbs in this or any future relationship.

And above all else, dear reader, I hope that you will come to see that you are worth more than the nothingburger he is offering.

And that is because, whether you realize it or not, you are worthy of more. Much, much more.