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My Lover Isn’t Ready

March 15, 2021


You are wondering what you should  do when the persons that you’d like to be in a steady relationship with says they’re not ready for such a commitment. They do “like” you, whatever that means. Quite a spectrum of possibilities there.

Assuming you’ve told them that you feel a deep attraction toward them and that they’ve  given you the “I like you, but…” treatment, I believe your options are fairly limited.  I present these below, along with some things I hope you don’t do.

Can Do’s

  You can step away and give them the space and time to figure out their feelings for you. You could say, for example, “I want to be with you, but I can see that you’re not ready. So let’s take a break. If and when you are ready, let me know and we can talk about it.”

  Alternatively, you can engage in a purely platonic relationship with them (if you’re both agreeable to that) – meaning “friends only” with no maneuvering or manipulation on your part to change their mind or change the basis of the relationship.

Don’t Do’s

  Don’t try to change their mind by demonstrating what a catch you are. If you do this, you are selling yourself short. If someone is telling you they don’t want what you want in terms of a relationship, then why continue to chase the wind? This person is telling you they’re not available for love. Believe them.

  Don’t put your life on hold hoping you’ll change their mind. Why waste your time on something that isn’t going to happen? There’s a big wide, virtual world out there. There are adventures to be had, people to meet, lots of opportunities for love and relationship just waiting for you – even during Covid times.