“If you mind your own business, you’ll stay busy all the time.” Hank Williams, Jr.
I’ve discovered that there is deep wisdom in the saying “Mind your own business”. Experience has taught me that, when I stick my nose into other’s affairs, it leads to problems in my life and in my relationships.
You see, when I’m so consumed with what others say and do, I don’t focus on my own words and actions.
When I’m up to my neck in doing for others, I do nothing of any consequence for myself.
When I insert myself into another’s personal affairs because I think I know best, I often create resentment and even hostility towards me.
In other words, when I’m busy minding everyone else’s business, I am harming myself and my relationships.
So Why Do I Do It?
“There are two reasons why people don’t mind their own business — no business, no mind” Anonymous
It’s difficult to figure out my actual motives for inserting myself into other’s affairs, but I’ll have a go. Maybe you can relate.
Avoidance. When I’m busy fixing other people and their issues, I don’t have to think about the things in my own life that unsettle me. I can push those worrisome things way into the background.
Big ego. Despite all of my so-called self-awareness, my ego can still arise from the ashes and cause me to overstep. In those times, I believe that I alone have the good oil on how to solve other people’s problems and so I feel compelled to step in and sort things out for them. Or, in the very least, give them a bit of unsolicited advice.
Poor boundaries. When I overstep into another’s territory, I’ve forgotten where I leave off and the other person begins so that my identity in some ways becomes conflated with theirs. Thus, I not only lose my way as I haphazardly meander through the other person’s life, I also lose me.
How to Mind My Own Business (MMOB)
“There are three proven rules for good teeth: brush after every meal; see your dentist twice a year; and mind your own business.” Henry Boyd
When I MMOB, it’s not that I don’t care about others. It’s that I need to express my care, concern and compassion in ways that gives others room to do what they can and must for themselves. It is a mark of respect for them if you like.
It is also a demonstration of my confidence in them — that they have enough know-how to look after their own affairs.
It also gives me the time and space to focus on the things I can change – my life, my choices, my behavior and my attitudes. And so, I endeavor to:
- Keep the focus on me — my behavior, my choices and my attitudes, looking for ways I can change and become a better me.
- Stop focusing on other people – their choices, their relationships, their beliefs and their opinions. Even their opinion of me is none of my business. In other words, I strive to live and let live.
- Keep my opinions about others’ circumstances and decisions to myself. Even when directly asked my opinion about what another person should do, I think twice about expressing it. And, in the rare instance where I offer my opinion about another’s situation, I am careful about I how communicate it.
In these ways, with my ego at least somewhat right-sized, I stay productively occupied with my own life.
And here’s the best part. When I MMOB, life is much less stressy and much more fulfilling.
