Some days are roses and other days are stink-weeds. I refer of course to the ups and downs of our day-to-day existences. Some people
call them the vicissitudes of life.
While intellectually we might get that life, by its very nature, is not always smooth or happy, viscerally we don’t get it at all. We want roses all day, every day. We want an easy life, where everything goes our way. But, of course, that is impossible.
So, our usual reaction is fear and our main coping management strategy is to try to be in control.
Being in fear is a hard way to live. And, that we might have control over anything that is outside of us is an illusion.
Even though our efforts to resist and control the vagaries of our existences are futile, we keep applying this same useless strategy and, as a result, we are filled with even more fear.
But there is only one option for action and that is to choose how we respond to life’s vicissitudes. Yes, choose to respond. Not react. But we need some tools to do this.
The Tools of Wisdom, Acceptance and Gratitude
The first two tools of wisdom and acceptance go hand in hand. Wisdom assists our understanding of the nature of our human experience – that life by its very nature is a series of ups and downs.
And wisdom tells us that, rather than rail against the variance in our lived experience, acceptance of our condition is the only path to having any level of serenity in our lives. In other words, we know what life is and decide to accept it on its own terms.
So, with wisdom and acceptance, we can drop our pointless attempts to control the uncontrollable and we can dispense with useless expectations and demands of life, others and ourselves.
The gratitude tool helps us to notice all that is good in our lives. We begin to appreciate the bounty in everyday existence. We notice what we have, not just what we don’t have. We notice that we are already loved. We deepen our connection with others. We look to for ways to be of service and to share what is good in our lives.
And then the miracle happens…
We begin to feel a smidgen of contentment and we may even experience small moments of joy. Wisdom and acceptance tell us that these positive feelings will likely be fleeting and wisdom and acceptance tell us that they will also make a return.
While each and everyday may not be roses, our days don’t have to be stink-weeds either.
