“When the norm is decency, other virtues can thrive: integrity, honesty, compassion, kindness, and trust.” Raja Krishnamoorthi
To begin with, let’s define our terms. What are compassion and decency? Are they the same, different or somehow related?
- Compassion denotes not only being able to relate to the feelings of others, it incorporates the desire to take action to alleviate their suffering. Thus, compassion is largely about affect, feelings and desires. It could also be situational.
- Decency embodies the personal qualities of morality, ethicality, kindness and respect in terms of how we walk through the world. Thus, decency is about the principles that guide our decisions, actions and behavior towards others. It is never situational.
Certainly both compassion and decency can co-exist and work together. But not always.
Three scenarios
Compromised Compassion
Joyce is a very giving, caring person. She prides herself on being a good friend and makes every effort to be helpful to anyone in trouble. A colleague of hers disclosed that he had pocketed money from the company where they were both employed as he needed it to pay some bills. She felt sorry for him and offered to cover up his dishonesty.
Decency Unbounded
Larry is a man of strong principles – principles which guide his choices on a daily basis. Those principles include integrity, courtesy and respectful treatment of others even when he disagrees with them or does not like them. Or if they do not like him. For example, when he meets his aunt at family gatherings, he always greets her in a kindly fashion even though her behavior toward him is generally abrasive and dismissive. While he feels hurt by her behavior, he has determined that he will always take the High Road in his relationships no matter how difficult those relationships are.
Compassionately Decent
Mark is both a compassionate and principled individual. He knows what it is to struggle. He has experienced much pain and loss in his life and so he reaches out to help others who are going through hard times through his paid work. During the course of his duties he encounters many likable, sympathetic people, but he also has encounters those who are negative, rude and unappreciative of his efforts. He takes the good with the bad and continues to do his work with compassion, grace and kindliness.
The Case for Decency
“Small acts of decency ripple in ways we could never imagine.” Cory Booker
While both compassion and decency are important, I contend that decency is the more essential of the two. You see, even when we do not agree with someone or like them or see the world through their eyes, our decency barometer should still be operational.
There is no vacation from decency, especially in times of conflict and disagreement. Our world requires acts of heroism—not necessarily grand gestures deserving of medals, but rather those small, quiet acts of thoughtful courage that enhance life and inspire hope.
So here is the litmus test:
- What are the principles and values that we purport to live by?
- In light of those principles and values, what is the right action for us to take in a given situation? Or are our principles and values just nice words?
- Are we committed enough, courageous enough to do what we know is right?
The Bottom Line
Certainly life can seem perplexing – at least on the surface. But if we dig down deep enough, we will find the truth that we seek. We will know what the honorable thing to do is.
What it then requires is the moral strength to do it.
